Meeting people has always been easy for me. Making friends has not.
I love to chat and have an easy time opening up conversations with total strangers. Acquaintances have been easy to come by but the connection that happens with people the truly “get” me was always elusive. My own neurosis and insecurities combined with my big mouth and loud personality made for choppy waters on the S.S. Friend Ship.
Me and my big mouth again
Additionally I am a Champion for All Underdogs, I am Vehemently Opposed to Evil and I am a Soapbox Speaker for all of the above. (I write this blog for goodness sakes!) Any one who knows me, who follows me on social media, who reads political or social injustice hashtags, who has worked with me or has gone to school with me should be well aware of these points of my personality and should not be particularly surprised when these facets of my psyche show up. Unfortunately many times we humans have fickle minds and tend to want to see people as we would have them instead of as who they are.
Recently an event transpired that rocked a few of my dearest friendships to their core. I wont go into the boring details, trust me – it’s not that juicy. However, for context, I will say that for the past year I have faced a situation that made me question the ethics and accountability of someone in a position of power and trust. To say it bothered me would be an understatement; To say it goes against the grain of who I am as a person and rubbed against every fiber of my being would be closer to the truth. Yet, I have grown to understand that cliches are often spot on: Patience is a virtue. Not everything is as it initially appears. Wait and see. Give ’em enough rope to hang themselves. So I did.
I waited. I examined. I researched. I asked questions. I sought advice from others. I attempted to face the issue head on. I attempted to face the issue in private. I cried. I prayed.
And then I did all of those things again. And again. And again. For a year. Repeatedly.
Last Saturday it came to a head. Publicly. It wasn’t pretty but it was necessary.
Yesterday, my heart broke as my dear friends expressed their pain and outrage and indignation. As the fallout continued I questioned again my heart, my decision to handle it in the manner it was handled, my point of view and the whole situation in general. Was I wrong? Should I have not said, done, felt the way I did?
Today I got the below message from The Universe and again God reminded me that I am right where I need to be.
Give it thought, Jolissa. Consider every angle. And then speak your mind. You’ve not been drawn into anyone’s life just to listen. Loud and proud,
(You’re not here to be quiet, Jolissa. Actually, you’re one of my spokes-peeps.)
While I don’t know yet know how things will shake out with my friends. I will firmly hold on to the hope that they are those who truly see me, truly love me, truly accept me….Soap box and all.